We often avoid giving feedback in relationship for a variety of reasons:
* Fear of hurting the others' feelings
* Fear of being rejected
* It seems easier not to go there, otherwise known as the avoidance pattern

The truth is that feedback is one of the best and often only ways to grow a relationship. No person can fully see himself or herself objectively. In relationship, if we are open, we can take our relationship from good to Extraordinary.

So without feedback as a standard practice within your relationship, you don't necessarily have the information you need to make positive changes and evolve.

Feedback is data. Pure and simple. It becomes 'more' than that when you attach a meaning to it - either as the giver or the receiver.

You might hear the others' feedback as meaning that:

* I'm not a good person or doing a good job
* They don't like or love me
* They are the ones with the 'problem'

Each excuse is resisting the valuable information, rather than taking it in and seeing if it Truly fits.

If you actively listen, you can then determine if it "hits home" as Truth. Once you've opened to the Truth of the feedback, then you can become aware of where corrections can be made and choose to improve growing your relationship to high levels of Love and Trust.

The first step in any improvement or change is AWARENESS.

The only way to truly become aware is to find out what you are doing that is not working or is not getting you the results you want. No body is Perfect, so become the witness to yourself and feel into the Truth of the feedback, viewing it as valuable. As such, feedback is a GIFT, when properly given and appropriately received.

Here are some tips to keep in mind.

HOW TO GIVE FEEDBACK:

· Check within to make sure that the feedback is valid and actually about the other person (ie. not just about you).
· Check with yourself to see if you are emotionally heated or angry. If you are not neutral about giving the feedback, do NOT do it at that time unless you can be responsible for those charged emotions. Otherwise, put the feedback down and back away from the other person!
· NEVER attack the person. ALWAYS keep it focused on the issue, behavior, result or impact. Be specific so the person has context for what you're referring to.
· Say it once, be clear and then be quiet. Let the person take it in and digest. If you keep going, they can get defensive and reactive and lose the value in what you're saying. Give them some space to process the information. Then ask them if they understand, what they understand, and if they want to share their perspective.


HOW TO RECEIVE FEEDBACK:

· Be open to the feedback and stay open minded. Realize what is being said is data than can help you grow so you can see aspects of yourself, including habits, that you might not be able see on your own.
· Realize the person cares enough to share this with you and release the need to be defensive.
· Take it in, see if it 'fits' for you, and then you can come back and either share your perspective, ask questions to clarify, or take time to process it.



Here's the key:
If it pushes a button (ie. you get defensive, hurt, angry, try to protect, defend or deny) 9 times out of 10 the feedback may be true! If you're uncomfortable, this is a chance to grow in a new way. Trust the process and surrender to it. This is truly an opportunity for you to build on your skills of relating and embrace your divine essence by staying open and receptive.

Over time, and with a foundation of trust, you'll be able to provide feedback in the moment and help eachother see what they can do to improve and grow.
You will also learn to receive feedback and see that it is vital to your overall development in being the Amazing partner that you are.

It may take some time, but it's certainly worth it. Do yourself a favor by staying open and positive. As a partner, spouse, friend, or parent, learning how to give and receive feedback is one of the greatest tools and gifts in life!

Cheers to an extraordinary life of love,

Christel

Special thanks to Amazing Women Int'l